I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
