you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she told me i tasted like america
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
