The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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