i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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