but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
