dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
