Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
