dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
