I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
