The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
