You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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