tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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