We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
