The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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