so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
