i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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