if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
