My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Boobs speak an international language.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
