i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
