OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
