We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
