She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
