Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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