I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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