Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
