could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
