Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
