We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
