are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
