I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
