My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
