apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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