u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
