I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
