I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
