I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
