And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As shirtless as possible
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
