if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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