the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
