ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
