I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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