woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
