i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, beer. Big fan.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
