The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
