I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
