chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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