so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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