They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
