I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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