My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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