why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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